Goldsmith Defense

Black meets 1. e4 with a shove of the h-pawn: no center, no development, and no plan the position will honor.

1...h5 answers the most principled first move in chess by advancing the least principled pawn on the board. It stakes a claim to g4, and that is the complete list of its achievements: nothing for the center, nothing for development, and a permanent soft spot on g5 and around Black's own king. You will meet it almost exclusively in blitz and bullet, as a joke, a provocation, or the opening act of the dream where the rook swings out early via h6.

White's correct response is almost disappointingly calm: take the whole center, develop toward the kingside, and treat the h-pawn as a long-term liability rather than a target to chase. Bc4 lands on its best diagonal with f7 in view, and even the modest Be2 gains a little something by glancing at h5. Nothing sharp is required, because every normal White move gains value against a first move that gained none.

If you insist on playing it, there is exactly one coherent version: steer for opposite-side castling, where h5 stops being a weakness and becomes the front runner of a pawn storm. Follow up with ...d5 or ...e6 to get something real in the center, develop fast, and send your king long. It is still a bad opening, but that version is at least a bad opening with a purpose.